Being vs Doing

We are a culture of doing. If we are not actively doing something, we either feel that we are missing out or we consider ourselves lazy. Productivity has become the focal point of our existence.

Unfortunately, we are raising our children in the same way.

The world outside is incredibly competitive, and the fear of our children falling behind or not being successful creates a great deal of anxiety.

Parents are constantly managing their children’s calendars: extracurricular activities, music lessons, additional languages, tutoring, homework, birthday parties, playdates... there is so much going on that children rarely have the time or space to simply play — to just be children.

In all this doing, we have forgotten that we are human beings — and the being part is often missing from our lives.

We long to spend more quality time with our children, so we plan additional activities and outings in the hope of creating connection — but this, too, becomes more doing.

When our children struggle — whether it is rejection from a friend, academic difficulties, or emotional distress — we often respond by arranging more playdates, encouraging more social interaction, or hiring tutors to address the issues.

When they are bored, we search for new activities to entertain them. When they are sad, we try to cheer them up. When they face a problem, we try to fix it.

Modern culture does not encourage us to turn inward.

Most of the belief systems we inherit from society are rooted in fear — the fear of not being enough, not doing enough, not becoming enough.

Dr Shefali, author of The Conscious Parent, has said that we were raised on a "to-do diet" — encouraged to become something, rather than simply to be and discover who we truly are.

But here lies the shift:

When your child is upset, instead of rushing to solve the problem (doing), connect with them emotionally (being). Simply be present — with the mind and heart of your child.

Being here, fully in the present moment, is what allows true connection to happen.

Shift your focus to your child’s inner world. See their essence.

Children are always inviting us to recognise who they truly are — unique individuals who want to be seen and understood. They want us to acknowledge their being — which exists independently of any ability, action, achievement, or behaviour.

Every parent hopes to raise a happy, kind, and resilient child. But happiness, kindness, and resilience do not come from doing more. They come from within.

See their being, before the doing.

Your presence is the greatest gift your child will ever receive.

Not your solutions, not your schedule, not your perfection — but you, exactly as you are.

In a world that constantly pushes us to do more, may you have the courage to simply be.