Teaching Your Children To Use Their Voice

My son came home from school upset.

Evenings are the best time for my children to open up, so I always make sure we have plenty of space for that, even if it pushes us all the way to half nine at night.

Sometimes there is a lot bottled up...

This time, my son had experienced yet another moment of unfairness at the hands of a teacher. But what stung most wasn't the unfairness itself - it was that he hadn't been allowed to speak up, to defend himself, to answer back. He had been completely shut down.

I felt his emotions in my own body. Thinking of my inner child, I could relate entirely. I listened, and then we talked about the importance of using our voice, and about what happens when we can't. How the words we are not allowed to say don't disappear - they stay inside us, sitting heavy, waiting.

We talked about the wonderful Rosa Parks. About how she refused to give up her seat on the bus, and how that one act of quiet, fierce defiance helped spark a movement that dismantled legal segregation and changed the course of American history.

My son was worried he would be sent to the headteacher's office if he dared to speak up. I told him that was okay. More than okay - it might sometimes be necessary. That this is what real courage looks like: finding your voice when the world tells you to be silent, standing up for yourself, or for anyone who needs it, standing up to so-called authority when authority gets it wrong.

As his parent, I want him to know, without any doubt that I am in his corner. Always. Completely.

When children feel that kind of safety, they find the courage to leap - because they know the net will catch them.

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I was never made for blind obedience.

I have always had a rebel's heart and an activist's sense of justice.

Not for the sake of disagreeing or fighting. For the sake of fairness.

This world needs more people who know when enough is enough.

I can only imagine the courage Rosa Parks gathered to say she was done with this. Her refusal to give up her seat may have looked like one small act but it changed American history forever.

And our children need more encouragement to discern, to stand up for themselves, and to become independent, creative thinkers.

Not children trained to follow the herd.

Growing up in Poland in the 80s and 90s was a particular kind of education in itself. We had traditional proverbs that emphasised silence, obedience, and the suppression of emotion. Maintaining social harmony over individual expression was simply the norm.

When you repeatedly hear "children and fish have no voice," you feel small, insignificant and unworthy.

It took me years to transform from an obedient people-pleaser into a self-assured woman who can tap into her own authority.

I want my children to grow up with that authority already in them. I want them to be unafraid to use their voice and to stand up for themselves.

When your children are part of the education system, and mine are, right now - things can get frustrating very quickly.

Despite the leaps we have made in technology, awareness, and consciousness, the school system can feel frozen in place. Still somewhere in the 19th century, when the entire purpose of schooling was to create obedient, compliant workers.

The British education system, like many others, rewards compliance far more than it rewards curiosity.

Sit still. Be quiet. Be polite. Follow the rules. Pass the test. Wear the uniform. Don't question too much. (Don't answer back.)

And yet we say we want children who are confident, creative, emotionally intelligent, and independent...

The contradiction is impossible to ignore.

Let your child have their voice. Let them use it.

You won't always like it because, guess what? they are going to use it with you most of the time.

But when the moment comes that truly demands it, they will tap into that same power, and they will know exactly what to do with it.

Tell them every day that you are on their side. That they can always come to you. That you are their biggest fan, their cheerleader, their safest place.

Because one day the world may ask them to be quiet. And they will know they don't have to.